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How we long to just BE.
We crave the ability to just sit without thoughts running constantly through our heads : Where do we have to be next? What do we need to get done? How will we pay the bills? Who do we need to take care of?
What might free us from our minds? Meditation and prayer is often the answer. Few of us are able to sit for even a moment or two with an empty mind. Although meditation and prayer may be the answer, we must first do our “homework” in order to be able to clear our minds.
We live in a world of our own making. All of us were raised to have some sort of expectations. Our parents had certain expectations of us and therefore we inherit some of those along with the ones we establish ourselves. We then take some of our expectations and project them onto others. Our judgment of others’ behavior as well as our own, causes us suffering. Our children are too messy, our spouses oblivious to our feelings that we haven’t expressed, our boss is unreasonable, and our friends selfish. Projecting our expectations onto someone else is not only unreasonable, but unkind. By doing so, we are not trying to make the world a better place as some might justify their beliefs. Instead we are making up our own rules and imposing them on others. None of this brings peace, only heartache which is something the world doesn’t need. Imagine a world where we never judged people? A world where we are always kind and accepting?
We also live in a world that equates self-worth with the number of material objects we “own” or how “productive“ we are. The more we own, the more complicated our lives become. We wake up one morning wondering how to manage all of our stuff and suddenly those things that were supposed to bring us joy and peace, only bring us stress and sorrow and yet we continue to look further to find that one great thing that will bring us happiness.
Our attachment to the combination of consumerism and the expectations we put on ourselves as well as others is what makes clearing our minds futile. We have to get beyond our attachments to be content but how do we get there?
SIMPLIFY. Will that new car that you want to buy truly bring you joy or just more stress by worrying how to pay for it? Instead of choosing to have that feeling of dread every time you walk by your garage filled with “stuff” or when you open yet another bill, choose to clean out the excessive storage and give to those that need it. Ask yourself, “what good is a new car if you don’t have the money to take it on vacation?” Choose instead to drive a car that is clean, gets good gas mileage, and will allow you a life but is well within your means. The goal in life is to live your life with compassion and do good for others rather than making people hate you for your status symbols. Being liked by your peers has nothing to do with shiny objects, it has everything to do with who you really are. If your friends stay around because of the things that you own, its time to get new friends.
Turn off the TV. Don’t buy glossy magazines or the newspaper. All of these things TELL you how to act and what to buy. Instead, buy something because YOU like it, or better yet, because you NEED it not because some corporate stranger decided it was the “in” thing this year.
Never compare the inside of you to the outside of someone else! In other words its unfair to compare your feelings to what you THINK someone else is feeling by judging their actions. Give others the benefit of the doubt or rather the benefit of kindness. Consider that others may make mistakes or do mindless, careless things not because it is their intention but because something in their life is distracting them such as the death of a loved one, a scolding by their boss, a problem with their child or much-loved pet. We all have had something happen in our lives that made us less than perfect at whatever task we were doing. We are all human.
Don‘t steal someone‘s problems. I know, it sounds funny but we all actually do it. Helping someone when they ask is one thing, but observing or listening to someone’s problems and taking them home with you to make them your own is not kindness. It is stealing. To help someone is compassion but it shouldn’t invade or disrupt your life or home and you certainly shouldn’t hold onto it. Be careful not to let your ego take over any situation where you are trying to help another. The point is not to help someone in order to fulfill your ego’s wish to be needed. Your ego wants you to believe that you are just helping because you are a good soul. This is where you get trapped in suffering and the ego plays tricks on you. For as long as your ego can prove you are needed then it will never die and that means you won’t die right? Wrong.
Let your ego do the walking and walk right out of your life. Our egos get us into all kinds of trouble. We somehow believe that our families, friends, churches, and corporations won’t survive without us. Really??
When was the last time you saw a hospital closed because one nurse didn’t come to work? When was the last time they didn’t vote on something at a meeting because an employee was absent? When have you seen an obituary that said, “she passed away due to a lack of time with friends”? This world will go on long after we are gone and even though it is possible for us to make a difference in it, the absence of our egos won’t ever be a tragedy.
Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to give up everything and go live in a forest to be able to meditate or pray. We don’t have to live a poverty lifestyle or wear sack cloth. We just need to set our priorities differently. Our Spirit will be alive long after our bodies and this world is gone. We are just guests here and if we remember to feed our Spirit we will find that the rest doesn’t really matter in the end. In making small changes along the way you will find that feeding your Spirit makes you feel better than watching the latest movie. Balance your life and your Spirit will follow.
In order to clear our minds and have peace, we must let go of our attachments. This means living more simply, buying only what we truly need, not listening to our egos but to that Spirit within us that knows the right way to go if only we would stop and listen. Only then may we obtain bliss. It may not happen all at once but by letting go a little each day we will be able to focus on our Spirit which is our TRUE purpose in life and leave the rest behind. Only then may we just BE.
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