Love. Honor. Obey. We all are familiar with those lines. Maybe some of us have opted out of using these words in the marriage ceremony.  I believe there is a word that could be used in ceremonies, which would make for a lifetime of love with your spouse. Kindness.

I believe my husband must have inserted Kindness into his vows, because he is the person who I have learned what kindness really means in action. As an adjective  Kind is described as, “ thoughtful, gentle, helpful, friendly and sympathetic.” This is Mark.

I married him 32 years ago, and I realize now, how young and immature I was. He really wasn’t much older than me but he seemed to possess some wisdom beyond his years. We all have stories of who may have impacted our lives in compassionate or thoughtful ways but many times we overlook our faithful spouse, the one who has shared many years of history with you.  Mark’s gentle and kind ways come from his belief in the Bible.  In the book of Galatians chapter 5: 22- 25, talks about ‘fruit of the spirit. It describes love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness and many more wonderful attributes of a Godly man or woman.

I think of the many times, I would spout off my feelings harshly, with hurtful, painful words when I was a younger woman. I’d be waiting for his retaliation but He would not speak until he thought about what he was going to say and would talk to me with gentleness that I did not deserve.  That self-control lived daily has changed my life. There is good in men and women. It can live and grow.

We’ve survived the death of our first child, the birth of 4 more, disabling events to 2 of our children, weddings, grandbabies and a divorce. Yet, when I lie down at night and look at this person who chose me to marry, I am humbled at his kindness toward me.

 I sometimes look at marriages and notice that before marriage the couple speaks sweetly all about love and the promise of a great relationship. Then after marriage something seeps out of them and the sweetness they shared has changed into blame, anger, meanness, and unkind words. I feel sad wondering where they lost their goal of a good life together.

Mark chose on our wedding day that this was going to be a "forever deal" and how you treat your wife is going to be a lifetime of choosing to know when to speak and when not to speak. I kept waiting for him to change into that husband we all dread. Instead he just lived day in and day out with the fruits of the spirit. I feel blessed to have learned so much from him. I am touched that after all these years he still is kind, patient, and even wiser.

 I didn’t learn about kindness through most venues we women learn from. I learned it from the one person I see day in and day out. He’s the person who has seen me at my best and been with me at my worst. 

I know that our children love him so much and our sons are trying to emulate their Dad. I believe the true measure of a man comes out in the ordinary everyday life and Mark is the true measure of “ Kind”.  Thank you Mark, for not bending to the natural ways of men but choosing to look long term on our marriage and decide to base your words on “what she’ll remember”.

 To be able to learn from my own spouse is incredible because I know he really has my best interests at heart. I know also that he is a loved and blessed man because he took his role as husband seriously, even at the young age of 21. I have learned by his example and grown in   return.

 If we would all be gentler and more careful with our words we could change the dynamics of family life daily. Kindness is a powerful word yet many times overlooked and underestimated. Kindness practiced and lived is similar to” pay it forward”. The returns you reap may not always be readily seen but its effects ripple through time until the day we meet God.

Kim Leasure-- Married 32 years, 4 grown children, and expanding family. I love to read and get so frustrated when I'm coming to the end of a good book. I hate for it to end. I sing all the time and probably at heart would have wanted to sing in a band or group,,,I'd like to be the Harmony, not the Melody. And that's how i see myself in life, I'm more the Harmony than the Melody. My kids and husband are really my best friends. I am amazed at how fast each year seems to go by. I love to fish, a little water, a little fish, suit me fine. The Lord is The Very Divine Being in my Life. I totally depend on God's ways.